If last week was the awesomest that wedding planning had to offer, then I think I might go so far as to say that flower planning is just about the antithesis of cake planning, at least in my book. And it’s not that I didn’t have a good time, I guess it’s just that if I never have to spend another minute of my life shopping for flowers, I think I’ll still be ok. And my bride-to-be shant not even worry – I don’t mind the occasional bouquet either in celebration or because I did something stupid, but as far as planning floral arrangements on an event level, just pick whatever you think looks best because I’m done…

For all of you florists out there in the audience, it probably hurts a little to hear this, but I’m sure it’s something that you kind of already know – you’re job just really isn’t all that interesting! I mean, I guess it works ok for you, but are you the kind of person who rushes home after work to watch the Oprah that you recorded that afternoon over a Lean Cuisine microwave dinner and a glass of iced tea? I thought so, but there’s really no need to feel ashamed or anything – at least not about the iced tea – for without you, there’d be nobody to remind the rest of us how interesting our lives are! It’s just the circle of life, or the circle of boredom, so to speak. Nothing personal.

Anyways, we dedicated a good bit of time last week to searching out floral arrangements to be worn or carried or made into hats or something for our wedding. I don’t know – I honestly wasn’t really paying attention after the first seven hours of rosy fun, but from what I understand, the crown of sunflowers and daffodils that I’m to wear during the ceremony is going to look very nice! I didn’t ask if they’re also going to get me the matching corncob scepter to go along with the crown, but knowing how color-coordinated everything else has to be with this thing, it certainly wouldn’t surprise me to be waving my sceptre of corn into the air, fending off seagulls as my beautiful bride walks down that aisle with her buckwheat bouquet! You know what they say – you only get to look like a complete fool at your own wedding once…

Any instances after that are just sad.

Maybe if they just weren’t so expensive, I wouldn’t mind the fact that I couldn’t really care less about them, but like everything else that we’ve signed official contract-y things for throughout the planning process, apparently it just doesn’t truly depict our undying love for one another unless we limp away from the table wondering, “How many more kidneys are we going to have to sell to pay for all of this?!” Which, at least as far as the flowers were concerned, is kind of a shame because in between the actual flower shops that we visited, we also passed some very nice cemeteries that even from the road looked rather promising! They were all pretty large, so they should have a great variety and really no problems coordinating with the rest of our theme, and they were even right on the way from our house to the hotel, so it would be no trouble at all to simply stop off on our way over and grab bouquets for the bride and her bridesmaids, a few single flowers to turn into boutonnières for the guys – who knows, maybe even my royal scepter!

But alas, just like my idea to hire a one-man-band didn’t fly for the evening’s entertainment, my great, cost-saving cemetery floral plan got overruled in favor of one of those “actual” (read “boring”) florists. So we’ll see how it goes – Tales from the Crypt bouquets or not, they’re still just boring flowers, so if anybody needs me, I’ll be pouting over by the cake…