I’m a busy man – I’ve got no time for your foolish pranks today!

Or patience, either, for that matter – anyone who’s gone through the process of moving before knows that it’s about as stressful as flying the space shuttle or being the rookie lion tamer at the circus, and that’s with a sunny moving day scenario! Here in Tampa it’s been raining non-stop all week and we’ve still got a good couple of rooms left to pack, so at this point I figure my stress level has got to be on par with open-heart surgery or maybe even that guy who has to change light bulbs along the tops of bridges.

…either way, it probably wouldn’t be advisable to “test” me right about now…

Because the thing is, with moving already being as super-stressful as it is, it’s easy to see how something as simple as a harmless April Fools prank could instead be interpreted as something having gone horribly, horribly wrong. And when tensions are high and guards are already at an all-time low, really, who wouldn’t be ready to just go ahead and take that final flying leap into a complete and total nervous breakdown after getting pranked in a seemingly harmless manner such as one of these?!

We Dropped a Box Off the Truck…
No, not the one with your wife’s back issues of Better Homes & Gardens or even the one that contained the antique china that has never even been touched by human hands, let alone had pork chops eaten off of it – instead, it’s gotta be the middle third of your comic book collection, featuring the elusive Iron-Man #57 where Tony Stark passes a quiet streak by perfecting how to bake muffins with his repulsor beam. Best Easy-Bake Oven Idea for Boys EVER.

The Old Shark in the Pool Trick…
I’m really looking forward to taking a dip in our new pool when all of this moving craziness is finally behind us, but what I’m not looking forward to is losing a limb in said pool if I dive in to find a moderately-sized shark swimming around at the bottom, waiting for an easy lunch!  It’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye, or a torso…

Those Weren’t the Moving Guys … WE’RE the Moving Guys!
Because I didn’t like all of that stuff anyways, right?!  I’m not sure if there’s any fear worse than the moving truck never actually pulling up to your new house, aside for maybe also learning that it was your wife and her new lover behind the wheel.  Boy, would that sure make for a rough moving day…

If it’s all the same to you, maybe we could just save the pranks for another time – we could celebrate October Fools Day, or you could even just wait it out and prank me twice next year! Heck, I’m an honest guy – if you trust me, I’d even be willing to just take the work off your hands and prank myself at a later date when my schedule and/or sanity frees up a bit – I’m sure I’ve got an old whoopee cushion or some rubber cockroaches here in one of these boxes somewhere…

Your comical consideration during this extremely stressful time will be greatly appreciated!

Now on a completely unrelated note, my wife and I just found out that we’re expecting…

…the movers to show up any minute now…