(Note: The following is not actually an Against the Grain… column, but one of a handful of editorial essays that were written several years prior. Hope you enjoy this blast from the past that eventually grew to inspire Against the Grain…)
Right off the bat, I’m going to have to warn you that my latest comedic venture here may veer off slightly along the political road, as opposed to that non-stop expressway straight to funny town that you’ve been accustomed to, but it’s just been one of those weeks where our regular schedule is going to have to take a break so that we can focus the spotlight on the bigger picture. Yeah, that bigger picture…
Now for those of you who follow the technological side of Washington, D.C. (yes, both of you!), you’ve probably noticed over the past week or so that there’s been an increased buzz about indecency laws, specifically coming from the realm of broadcast radio, and I’ll admit that I’m just a bit proud that it originated right here in my back yard – the Tampa Bay area. Easily the most popular morning show in the bay area, The Bubba the Love Sponge Show is your typical bit drive-time program that incorporates a number of comedic bits, guests, and so forth to help the 6 – 10 AM block pass a little quicker, and that he certainly does quite well – you simply don’t get the type of following that this guy has by boring your audience to death! I might also add that in addition to his coverage area around here, Bubba’s show is also carried on XM Satellite Radio and five other stations around Florida and the Southern United States…most of which are owned and operated by Clear Channel Communications – pretty much the largest broadcast media conglomerate in the world.
Of course, anyone who’s ever listened to the show will attest that its content would be considered for Mature Audiences Only, and this certainly isn’t anything new to morning radio at all. Howard Stern, mind you, was the first to do it in such a prominent manner, but pretty much any metropolitan area in the United States has at least one talk radio show that covers sex and drugs and all sorts of other topics that approximately 5% of the population are absolutely frightened of, and last week that minority decided that it was time to cry out. They cried out for the lewd and disgusting bits that were being thrust upon them day after day, they cried out for the sake of their children who might grow up into savages for hearing some dirty words during those fragile years, but most of all, they cried out because frankly, they’re lazy and ignorant morons.
Please take a moment to let that soak in before we continue…
Taking a look around society today, people are just way too damn anxious to pin the blame on somebody, really anybody else – from television to movies to video games to rock and roll bands to politicians to athletes to even other races that live far, far away – you name it and somebody in America feels that its negatively affected the course of their life in a way that can never be mended. It seems that this generation has become programmed to automatically select from a long list of scapegoats to assign the blame for their problems…often even before they’re aware that they have some of the problems in the first place! Why accept responsibility for anything, really, when it’s just so much easier these days to point fingers at violence on television and that rebellious rock ‘n roll music – obviously these influences are the root of all that is evil, so why even bother to take a look at the bigger picture?!.
Well, you know how much I do hate to be the bearer of bad news, and yet at the same time I feel it’s important for at least one thing to be made clear here today – not everybody likes the same stuff that you do!!! I know that it’s a rough fact to face, but I’ve always just considered it to be pretty inevitable that with about four or five billion other people living on this planet, there’s probably going to be more than a handful of them who simply don’t think along the same lines as I do…and that’s ok. This isn’t the 14th century – nobody’s getting persecuted for having their own beliefs around this country, and thus it’s so vitally important that we don’t let ourselves get wrapped up in this kind of thing because honestly, there are a lot of other more important things worth getting wrapped up in out there. Just learn to accept the fact that everyone else’s ideas don’t always have to match your own – that’s really all that I ask.
It’s a pretty tough movement to conquer, I understand, but it could be well worth the effort if these types of things tend to bother you so much! I have no problem admitting myself that there are some days that I turn on Bubba’s show and, for whatever reason, I don’t like what the topic is…so do you know what I do?! I change the station! To be honest with you, there isn’t a day that’s gone by in my life that I’ve felt comfortable with the broadcasting found on most Christian radio stations and from my perspective, their topic matter could be just as damaging to young and old minds alike, if not even more, but I don’t complain to their station managers because that’s not a decision that I can make for the rest of the people. I don’t personally like it, so I don’t personally listen to it, but if you happen to be into those ideas, then tune in and knock your socks off – does anyone remember the concept of free will anymore?
You see, that’s the beauty of being an adult here in America – you get to make your own decisions. If I want to sit around in my underwear watching dirty movies and drinking beer all day, who are you to tell me that it’s morally wrong to do so – whose moral standards am I living my life by here, anyways? Sex and nudity and a certain selection of words are considered inappropriate to a particularly small group of people, so as a result those who opt to cater to these masses in the form of radio and television shows, bookstores, websites, and so forth are chastised as immoral and looked down upon by “society as a whole”…even though most of us are watching and listening to the stuff regardless.
And while we’re at it, enough with the doing it all for the children act – none of us are buying it anymore! Parents are legally responsible for their children until they become eighteen years old, so if you do deem something to be inappropriate for the little guys to hear, then switch the station back to PBS and get on with your life. You might even make an example of the offensive material and explain to your kids exactly why you consider those words to be demeaning and what’s so bad about them, but as much as I don’t have the right to tell you what your children can listen to, you certainly don’t have the right to tell me what I can’t. It’s not even an argument about what should and shouldn’t be available for public access during the hours when these young and impressionable children are awake and ready to be programmed – as far as I’m concerned, none of that applies to any major media outlet simply because they all have those things called OFF buttons, so until these guys start running through the streets doing their thing, your case has no validity with me.
What I’m trying to say here is this – I can’t argue the fact that Bubba is innocent in this matter because it was proven in court that he didn’t meet our country’s current guidelines for public broadcast stations…but I can argue that hey, this whole thing should’ve never been brought to court in the first place because those who complained couldn’t make that simple decision to change the channel themselves. A few seconds of hearing content that they objected to should’ve been enough before they changed the station and made a brief explanation to their kids, but instead it’s all gotta be about them as they fight to make this world a better place for the rest of the parents just like them. All the while, the rest of us adults who do enjoy that sort of thing will suffer because hey, somebody might not be watching their children closely enough – bullshit.
It’s sad that the only real humorous intent from this piece is the fact that while our children are taught about the freedoms and individualities that built this country to what it is today in school, their own parents are spending that same time trying to knock down those very same precedents over what’s really nothing more than just some dirty words.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me…
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