I don’t even know where to begin with this one.
I did a double-take last week when in reading our local paper, I found a legitimate article about one of our state senators here in Florida pushing an amendment to a highway safety bill that would make it finable to hang replica bull testicles from the bumper of your car or truck. Yeah … replica bull testicles – shake your head as much as you need to, but I know you’ve seen at least a couple of pairs flapping in the breeze in your days! Maybe you’re sitting at a stop light and look up to see them adorning the bumper of the Blazer in front of you, maybe you’re directed into a parking space at Disney World a while ago on a trip with your Dad and girlfriend, and can’t leave the car for a solid ten minutes because the three of you can’t stop laughing hysterically because you were told to park behind a pickup truck that has a chrome pair of balls displayed proudly on its rear, as if they were some sort of medal of honor or something!
So don’t even try to deny that you know what I’m talking about, and hey, if you happen to live in Texas, you probably see the things every single day! And personally, don’t get me wrong, I think they’re ridiculous, gross, just plain stupid – insert your favorite scathing adjective here. How that purchase even takes place, I don’t even want to know…
“The truck looks good, Biff, but it’s missing something…”
“I know, I just can’t put my finger on it, but … wait a minute!”
“Awww yeah!!!”
“Do you think they have ‘em any bigger?”
Needless to say, the day you find replica bull testicles hanging from the back of my own car is the day that it was stolen, but that said, to each his own. Balls simply aren’t my thing (on so many different levels!), but who am I to tell somebody what they can or can’t hang from the back of their vehicle? Other than them being three-dimensional, they’re not really any different than the gawdy bumpers stickers that people paste all over the backs of their cars and one walk through the student parking lot at your local college will no doubt present you with dozens of examples of obscenities far greater than replica bull testicles. Who cares?
Go figure, our local government cares because apparently they’ve fixed the insurance and property tax problems here in Florida, so it’s on to bigger and more pressing issues. The fact that hundreds of years after the founding of our country, politicians are still bewildered into thinking that they’ve somehow got the power to overthrow that whole freedom of speech thing makes my faith in the system drop even lower. I mean, seriously, we pay how much in taxes so that our state senators can sit around and talk about testicles???
Call it harsh, but I think that any politican like Senator Baker here who challenges our basic freedoms in such a ridiculous manner should just be kicked out of office on the spot – no further discussion necessary. If we continue to entertain idiocracies like this, then what’s next? Chevy fans most definitely find those window stickers of Calvin peeing on the Chevy logo to be offensive, and vice-versa for Ford fans with their own logo, so we’d better ban those, too! Witty retorts on bumper stickers about how our President is a failure? Why, that’s unpatriotic, so I’m surprised that adorning your car with that kind of sentiment isn’t already considered some form of terrorism already! By the end of the day, we’ll all just be driving around in grey, non-descript boxes because it turns out that there was that one guy who was offended by colors, too…
Of all the things to focus on, you would think that it would be clear from the start that this is a losing battle because if the Senator finds himself disgusted by pulling up to a light to see replica bull testicles hanging from the truck in front of him, you can’t tell me that he’s completely fine and dandy with all of the sleezy and provocative billboards and other advertising attempts that he no doubt passed on the highway before pulling up to those famed bull testicles. If something bothers you, then ok – it bothers you and you would prefer not to see it, so your option is to look away and focus on the flashing sign outside the church on the right of the roadway until the light changes. I, myself, am not too fond of breast feeding in public – I think it’s disgusting and unnecessary in a public setting – but it’s become painfully clear to me through many discussions about this topic over the years that a lot of women think it’s fine. Which sucks if I’m trying to enjoy a hamburger at Burger King and have it staring me down in the face, but then again, I’ve always got the option to sit on the other side of the booth and watch the kiddies play in the ball pit, too. Nobody’s forcing me to sit there and watch this woman feed her baby a la boob, and nobody’s forcing Senator Baker to oggle bull testicles all day, either.
I guess when you’re a politician, the goto method of dealing with things that you don’t like is just to create a law banning them, but between poverty and homelessness and property insurance going through the roof thanks to hurricane season a few years back, frankly Senator, you’ve got bigger nuts to fry than the ones hanging from the bumper in front of you. How’s about getting back to work and focusing on some issues that make you look like a little less of a nut?
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