Alpha Dog (2006)
Genre: Drama
Format Viewed: Theatrical Release
Filmography links and data courtesy of The Internet Movie Database.
It certainly ain’t no Dick in a Box…
Warning – this column may contain spoilers, and by “spoilers” I mean “reasons that you shouldn’t go see this horrible, horrible movie.” I mean, seriously – no matter how good the review sounded, and even if the usher who takes your ticket says that it’s awesome, don’t buy into the hype. That is, unless you’re into the kind of movie that just sort of knocks you on your butt and leaves you feeling stunned and unfulfilled as the credits roll up the screen. I’ll leave it up to you…
So anyways, Alpha Dog got chosen for this evening’s movie-going experience by the girlfriend’s vote – I bought into it because she was really looking forward to it and I actually have heard some really good things about Justin Timberlake’s acting lately. And of course, if Andy Samberg were to just by chance pop his head in, special Christmas box and all, well then that’d just be icing on the cake! “Girl, you know we’ve been together for a long, long time…”
But instead, there were no boxes in sight – just a crazy, twisted plot that almost had my interest until things went horribly wrong at the very end. Now I suppose that sometimes this is just the way the cookie crumbles when you’re retelling an actual story, and this is definitely a pretty messed up story to begin with, but as real as it may be, I’m just not looking for that kind of thing when I go to the movies. Granted, some people are and for them, this flick may very well be right up their alley, but for myself, I like to see the princess end up with her prince and everyone live happily ever after, and not to give it away too much, but that didn’t exactly happen in this particular case. I was so waiting for Timberlake’s character to rise to the challenge and be the hero, but the story just didn’t happen that way, I guess.
If anything, I certainly walked away from this movie just absolutely hating most of the characters, and maybe that’s a tribute to the acting because they weren’t by any means all that likable for characters, not even Justin Timberlake’s when all was said and done. And admittedly it was kinda tough for me because I’ve really liked most of the actors in this movie in some of their other roles – Bruce Willis, obviously pretty much everywhere; Ben Foster, because I’ve always been a big fan of his since his role on the teen hit Flash Forward with Jewel Staite, and of course, Justin Timberlake for, well, the box. That said, if they were going for nearly the most hate-able character representations recordable on screen, then they certainly pulled that off, but maybe it’s just because I don’t know what it’s like in the hood..
Of course, I do have to add that the threesome scene in the pool was pretty hot, as short-lived and non-graphic as it may have been! Maybe for Alpha Dog 2, we can just have those girls playing an extended game of Marco Polo with Justin Timberlake or something – just throwing ideas out there!
But nonetheless, despite what the critics may tell you about how groundbreaking this flick is supposed to be, just do me a favor and take it with a grain of salt. A very large grain of salt, preferably delivered in a special Christmas box…
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