So I’ve been thinking…
It’s no secret that I’ve been more than a little, shall we say, apprehensive about coming on this trip. I guess you could say that I tend to be a bit nervous about the unknown, much in the same way that I always shop at the same clothing stores and I’m absolutely petrified to try anything other than the Kung Pao Chicken at my favorite Chinese restaurant. Sure, it could open the door to new and delicious flavors, but then again, it could also be absolutely disgusting and leave me hunched over the toilet for the remainder of the evening. The pendulum swings both ways, don’t you know…
And with that said, I’ve been analyzing and over-analyzing and re-analyzing all of the possible outcomes that could spring forth from this cruise – whales mating with the boat, giant explosions, our boat running into another boat, but the scenario that I keep coming back to is that of the shipwrecked on a desert island genre. For some reason that one seems to be the most comforting of all the boat-related disaster scenarios that have crossed my mind thus far, however I’ll readily admit that it might be very well due a nostalgic love of Gilligan’s Island that I hold close to my heart.
I mean, let’s face it – that show made the tragic concept of getting shipwrecked look like a blast, to the point where you were almost disappointed when they finally got rescued at the very end. I can fondly recall days growing up where I would sit at home watching Gillian’s Island all afternoon and wishing that I could get shipwrecked just because it seemed like it would be so much fun, between messing with The Skipper and playing with all of the cool coconut-based gadgets that The Professor came up with, not to mention a healthy bit of teenage swooning over the likes of Ginger and Maryann … rowr, indeed!
Of course, these days I’m a bit older and I now have a wife to fulfill my shipwrecked hottie needs, but in turn I’m also starting to notice certain other aspects of the shipwrecked lifestyle that while not necessarily very appealing to pre-teen Scott are likewise extremely intriguing to modern-day Scott. Sure, I’m still all for playing pranks on The Skipper and I’ve always wanted to build a laser out of coconuts, but the more I think about it, it’s really the weight loss opportunities that are the most tempting at the end of the day when the girls are done with their regularly-scheduled pillow fight and Mr. Howell is done counting his money for the day…
Case in point – out of all of the castaways, the only overweight guy on the island was The Skipper, and frankly, after spending countless hours jogging and peddling a bike to nowhere and choking down broccoli, 1 in 7 are odds that I’d be happy to take a chance against! The other six people, coincidentally, were fit as a fiddle and thin as can be, and maybe it was because off camera The Skipper kept eating all of their portions or simply put, their bodies were slowly starving themselves given the lack of nutritional options available on said island, but either way, at this point I’m willing to do whatever I have to do (provided it doesn’t involve actual exercise, mind you). If living on a deserted island with only pineapples and coconuts and whatever I can catch in the wild to eat can create those kinds of results, I should be able to drop this spare tire around my gut in no time! Hell, at that rate I could be touching my toes again by Christmastime!!!
So while of course, it still goes without saying that ultimately I would prefer not to encounter any of the horrible manifestations that have haunted my boat-related dreams for the last six months, but all in the same, I suppose if there’s a silver lining to be found in any of my options – in this case in the form of dropping my weight back down to a healthy integer that doesn’t lead to increased risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, and the inability to outrun an alligator after coming across one in the driveway at 2:00am on a random Tuesday night – then all I’m saying is that hypothetically speaking, the Gilligan’s Island Weight Loss Plan is an option that I think I could handle to make the best of a bad situation.
Please Note: This is also assuming that I actually get to be Gilligan. The Professor would also be ok, too, as a second choice, but if I end up drawing straws for The Skipper, then you can just forget the whole thing…
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