My Hilarious Travelogue

The Packing List, Cruise Edition

by Scott Sevener ⋅ October 7, 2009 ⋅  Email this column ⋅  Print this column ⋅

It won’t be long now – the boat leaves in only a few short days, so it’s time to start packing!  But what does one bring on a 7-day excursion to a far-off, tropical land to which I’ve never before ventured?  This is a question that I’ve pondered long and hard over the past thirty-five minutes, and barring the stereotypical “I’ll pack the night before…”-kind of excuse, here’s what I’ve got slated for precious space in the family suitcase thus far…

• Obnoxious, floral tourist shirts
• Pants – you know how the old saying goes, “Don’t leave home without ‘em.”
• A copy of The Worst-Case Scenario Surival Handbook, earmarked at page 125 – “How to Survive Adrift at Sea”
• Emergency flares
• Emergency rum
• SPF 150,000 sun block
• Enough seasickness pills to drug a Clydesdale
• Swim trunks picked out by my wife that are apparently intended for a surfer, even though clearly I am not anything of the sort.
• A black box … that’s right, my own personal black box so that in the event of the unthinkable, future humor columnists can recover it to try and figure out what went wrong.

What else am I forgetting?  Goofy, old-man boat shoes?  Dollars to Pesos conversion guide??  The Complete Works of James Fenimore Cooper on audio tape just in case I get bored???  Drop me a line with your suggestions … before it’s too late!