NEW YORK CITY (Just Laugh) – America’s favorite superhero may be dead, but violence and mayhem are still alive and well…
Only hours after the tragic assassination of Captain America, the nation’s number one superhero, major cities across the United States have seen an overwhelming spike in robberies, kidnappings, and other vile deeds that the legend once played a vital role in keeping under control. It is said that since the guardian’s untimely demise, evil-doers seen the nation transform from an entity of respect, dignity, and authority to that of a veritable smorgasbord of loot and victims, both ripe for the picking to any hardened criminal willing to throw on a pair of slippers and step outside his lair’s front door.
“It’s really a mad house out there,” cited New York Police Chief Danson during his regularly-scheduled coffee break at the Dunkin Donuts on 3rd St. “These guys are coming out of the woodwork and at the rate that I’m losing men, it’s like serving up the city on a silver freakin’ platter. Man, do we need Captain America…”
Critics cite the incredibly hard times currently facing the nation not only to the loss of Captain America, but also to a declining involvement from other superheroes as well. Such icons as Spiderman, The Punisher, The Daredevil, and others known explicitly for their roles in crime prevention have stepped back from the crime-fighting world to reflect and take a look at their own paths while mourning the loss of their friend, Captain America. In response, many Americans offered a particularly bitter response that at this moment can only be attributed to a loss of all hope, “I know they’re all hurtin’ right now with Captain America dead and all, but we still need them and they can’t just give up. It’s crazy out there right now – it’s like we lost all of our superheroes, not just Captain America…”
The President is currently in special sessions today to decide how the nation will deal with this new epidemic, and in the meantime encourages citizens to stay indoors and refrain from making themselves “easy victims” to the criminal overlords that currently hold this fair nation by the cahones.
 |
|
|
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
