WASHINGTON, D.C. (Just Laugh) – There may still be some key differences between the rebuilt country of Iraq after the fall of Saddam Hussein and arguably the world’s largest superpower, the United State of America, but it won’t be long until time has effectively been removed from that list.
In a press conference live from the White House earlier today, President George W. Bush announced plans to send some 1500 additional troops into Baghdad and other major vantage points within Iraq, explicitly for the purpose of enforcing changes to Daylight Saving Time that are being observed this year in the USA and several other countries throughout the Western Hemisphere.
“It is of the utmost importance that we all remain on the same page here,” President Bush explained to reporters, “and we can’t do that if we’re all in different zones of time. The Iraqi people, they want to feel the warm glow of freedom that we enjoy here in America, and they’ll have to learn that you have to get up early to truly enjoy that freedom. Now normally Daylight Savings Time here in Iraq wouldn’t begin until April 1st like most other places in the world, but its just better if they follow the United States and start early…”
Secretary of Defense Robert Gates then went into further detail on the deployment of the troops cited by President Bush’s call to order, “It’s imperative that we get these clocks springing forward, so to speak, as soon as possible, and thus we’ll be introducing these additional armed forces as military police, errr, just to help people reset those clocks according to US policy. If everything goes well, we hope to have all of the time-keeping devices throughout the country converted to Freedom Time, as our President has fondly dubbed it, by the end of the year.”
Critics noted that of the country’s population of nearly 23 million people, only a meager 11% have alarm clocks, watches, sundials, or any of the other 35 time-keeping devices mandated under the President’s new Freedom Time Initiative. If proven to be effective, experts predict that we may see similar enforcements take place in Arizona, Hawaii, and the Canadian province of Saskatchewan as well.
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