CLEVELAND (Just Laugh) – After a shocking induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nearly two weeks ago during which only two of the bands five performers even attended, each of the five have individually reported “supernatural occurrences” at the midnight hour that fans meekly attribute to the band’s tragic loss of style and passion over the years.
On consecutive nights ever since the band’s induction, musicians Eddie Van Halen, Alex Van Halen, David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar, and Michael Anthony have each been visited in their sleep by the Ghost of Van Halen Past, which has been described in detail as a collaboration of all of the greatness that the band Van Halen used to be. The ghost has been reported to have taken each member on a trip through time itself in an attempt to highlight the group’s better years and help them identify not only where they’ve gone wrong over the past decade, but also what can still be done to save the Van Halen name. While the entire band is said to be “quite spooked” by the nightly displays, some of their previous followers believe that the hauntings are very necessary, or even not scary enough…
“You know, man – I heard about that ghost that is bugging out the Van Halen guys and it serves ‘em right!” cited former Van Halen fan Steven Moore. “Man, they used to be sooo good, and now they’re just a joke. Me and my friends used to worship those guys – I hope that Casper keeps them up every single night.”
Moore’s crude, yet accurate comments reference an embarrassing lack of stability that has plagued the band since the mid-nineties when they parted ways with lead singer Sammy Hagar and invited a short-lived reunion with their original lead singer, David Lee Roth. Since then, Van Halen’s track record has been a rollercoaster of high ticket and album sales coupled with political and personal issues that have repeatedly torn the group’s members apart and left fans bitter for happier times.
In a unique opportunity, the Ghost of Van Halen Past himself was asked just how long he would continue to haunt the band, to which he replied, “Until they finally get it, which to self-centered rock stars could mean a lifetime – I’ve got a lot of haunting ahead of me…”
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