WASHINGTON, D.C. (Just Laugh) – Apparently it really does take one to know one!
In an interview with a conservative Christian group, former Speaker of the House Newt “Newtie” Gingrich admitted to having an extramarital affair himself while he led charges to impeach President Bill Clinton over his foolings-around with Monica Lewinsky. Although arguing in less words that he should not be considered a hypocrite for his actions, he later realized that he was even worse for considering that his own actions didn’t compare to those of the former President’s, even though his own affair eventually resulted in divorce from his second wife, Marianne, all the while Bill and Hillary Clinton remained married and worked through their problems like adults.
“What a hypocritical douchebag,” remarked pretty much anyone on the street when asked of their opinions of the day’s top news story, finally displacing President Bush’s War Without a Cause with the former Tales of Extramarital Relations that our country had become accustomed. Those interviewed throughout the day unanimously agreed that they never really cared for Gingrich anyways, citing a “smarmy appearance” and “just a creepy tingling down your back whenever you hear him open that gaping pie-hole of a mouth of his.”
Gingrich maintains that his affair is now between him, God, and the lawyers of his multiple ex-wives, who are now planning to sue the size-54 pants off of him because, quote, “That arrogant, judgmental son of a bitch has got some nerve…”
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