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Editorial Note: This article originally appeared in The Weekly Choice on April 15, 2004.
From the groaning and grumbling in the crowds near and afar, I can tell without even looking on the calendar exactly what day it is – the one that everybody frets and fears more than anyone else because frankly, if there’s one thing that we as an American people don’t like – it’s math. It could be having to carry over our extra zeroes, and I’m pretty sure that long division has something to do with it, too, but regardless of the cause, I know that we’ve all been in more than enough “Express Checkout Lanes” moving at speeds comparable to the average slug to understand that overall, mathematics just aren’t are collective strong point!
And what better way to contest such angst towards the numbers than with arguably the most mundane and persistent math test of them all – the 1040 tax form! Dreaded worse than the pains of childbirth or even the deafening sounds of a Michael Bolton concert, few things exist that most of us wouldn’t do to just get out of filing our taxes each year. Of course, if you’re anything like me, you’ve also somehow managed to put them off until the absolute minute by now, thus resulting in a last-minute scramble for receipts and pay stubs and plenty of caffeine! Much like why hot dogs come in packages of ten while hot dog buns come in packages of eight, I don’t really know exactly why the most of us procrastinate about our taxes either, but you know me – I’ve definitely got some ideas…
Mind you, it’s only obvious that some of us postpone things because we know from the very beginning that when all is said and done, we’re going to end up cutting Uncle Sam a big, fat check, and so it makes only sense to put that off as long as possible – you know, so that we can enjoy these last precious and few moments together with our hard-earned money! I fell into this category in 2004 and didn’t actually put my taxes together until three nights ago, and you know what? Those final remaining days that we shared – window shopping downtown, walking through the park, and staying up late watching old black and white movies on cable – those are the times that I’ll remember the most…
Then again, I’m sure that there are others who delay their taxes simply because they don’t sit well with the concept of having to pay somebody else to do them for them. There’s nothing like having to justify why you should be able to deduct eating lunch at Sub Way every day as a business expense to somebody who obviously couldn’t care less about your proudly decreasing waistline! It’s hard enough trying to fudge things to the folks in Washington, D.C. and they’re a thousand miles away – localize the situation with a pencil-pusher who’s ready and quite willing to send you to the back of the line the moment he lays eyes on this year’s shoebox full of receipts and it’s no wonder that there wasn’t a mad rush to get this stuff out of the way back in January!
But nonetheless, I think the best and most reliable excuse that we’ve got to fall back on is that simply put, we just didn’t have time. I mean, really, the U.S. government suggests that it should take roughly thirteen hours for the average person to research, gather the necessary information, and then finally fill out their 1040…and that’s not even counting any of the additional schedules! Factor in any investments, child credits, student loan interest, lottery earnings, and anything else in your life that can be expressed in the form of a number and suddenly you’ve got an entire weekend of number crunching, itemizing, and intense crying to look forward to – who wouldn’t want to jump right on top of a project like that?!
Of course, through all of the grumbling and misguided frustration, we don’t often think much about where that check actually goes on April 15th once we drop it off at the post office just in time to get that pre-midnight postmark. Nobody really likes to shell it out, but those very same dollars go to maintain the highways that we drive, the schools that we send our children off to, and the picturesque backyard that we call our home. They help to share the appreciation of the arts, preserve the history of our brethren in museums, and even land on the moon! It’s the tax dollars of both you and me that strive to fight homelessness and cure deadly diseases such as AIDS and cancer, put food in the stomachs of those less fortunate, and even continue to do so overseas for others who don’t even live in our country, but still could use the help all the same.
Sure, it’s extra money, and even more so it’s extra time that we’d much rather be spending anywhere else, but if you consider the bigger picture, it’s really a small price to pay for the lifestyle to which we’ve become accustomed to. And for those of you who just happen to be getting a big check back this year, well I don’t have an ounce of sympathy for you, my friends! But for the rest of us, just be happy that it’s now gone past for another year, meaning we’ve got a whopping 364 days of procrastination ahead of us before we’re back in this same boat again…
Happy Tax Day, and may all your deductions be maximized!!!
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