It was supposed to be just another grocery run,
like so many you’ve heard before.
But obviously things turned out otherwise,
or else you wouldn’t be reading about them here today…now would you?
I certainly don’t drive a big car,
but it gets me from A to B.
The A in this scenario being my apartment, and the B representing the grocery store…
…for those of you who need to diagram these things out.
So there I am on the freeway,
minding my own business.
Jamming out to an old Britney Spears CD…
…up yours – who are you to judge my taste of music?!
Although that wasn’t the actual title of the album, wouldn’t you just run out to buy a copy of that one?
Towering in the lane next to me,
you evidently don’t even know I’m there.
As proven by the fact that despite my honking and yelling,
you’ve tried to swerve into my existence three times in the last five minutes.
But who am I to judge, really?
You do have a lot on your mind,
what with driving the kids from dance class to soccer practice,
all the while establishing your own evening plans with Pedro the Pool Boy on your cell phone.
And maybe there are some groceries in your own future as well,
because lord knows you could fit enough of them in that monstrosity!
Just never you mind that it only gets three miles to the gallon…
Hey – you’re a Mom, not a conservationist!
And they say that video games don’t teach us anything…
With my exit coming up only 1 ½ miles away,
I finally can feel the relief of knowing that my life just got a bit safer.
I’d wave as we part our ways,
but Pedro’s feeling extra frisky and I’d hate to keep him waiting.
But never fear as I roll up on the traffic light,
and the shadow looms once again.
For it seems that your sister is out of food as well,
and she’s come prepared to bring back for ten.
This “poem” is dedicated to all of the crazy soccer Moms who insist on driving vehicles much too large for their daily activities, despite the fact that the minivan was developed expressly for this purpose alone. I urge you to reconsider your choice of transportation because frankly, you’re going to fucking kill someone! Unless you’re actually going on an expedition, it’s time for a different vehicle…
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