Day in, day out – my life goes by in 40-hour increments…
…except when I’m a few minutes late and you dock me fifteen.
Then they’re more like 39.75-hour increments,
but repetitious all the same.
Logging complaints in eight-hour stretches,
I realize that too much efficiency and I’ll be out of a job.
So we strive to make things better, but not too much better,
even though unemployment doesn’t seem so bad from behind this headset.
You’re my boss, and he’s my boss, and I think that that lady over there is my boss, too.
Not to worry – she’ll be sure to let me know here in a few minutes anyways.
Just as soon as my latest productivity report is finished,
I will be reminded about what it felt like to be in kindergarten.
But financially obligated, I return each day,
to a group that logs my every waking move.
No Internet sites will go unturned, no bathroom breaks undocumented…
…are we going to have to have another meeting about this?
Do as I say, not as I do,
and please try not to wrinkle my dry-cleaning this time!
It isn’t considered slavery when you’re being paid,
but I’m sure there’s a term for what we’re put through here.
Incorporated Hell.
And yet today I came to work with a twinkle in my eye,
much similar to the twinkle you get as you escort another of my co-workers out the door.
For today is judgment day, minus all of the explosions and special effects…
…maybe.
I could bludgeon you with this stapler,
once for every time you told me to talk less and work more.
But over the years I’ve come to like this stapler,
and its much too good for the likes of you.
I could burn down the building,
just like in the movies, and get off scot-free and everything.
Yet there’s only a handful of people here that I’d like to punish,
and simply wouldn’t be fair to the rest.
So what to do, what to do?
You don’t like me, and I certainly don’t like you.
But I’ll stay here another day, and practice what you preach…
…and keep egging the interns on to spit in your coffee – anything to break you.
Of course, if this plan doesn’t see results soon,
I may have to reconsider the stapler.
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