It’s quite the crazy place, this Internet thing, isn’t it? One minute way back in 1994, a few geeks at Universities across the nation were sending dirty jokes and pictures of women out of the Spiegel catalog back and forth, and then all of a sudden we’ve got this?! Less than a decade ago, the Internet was nothing more than a big electronic bulletin board system and a few rogue web pages made by the geekiest of the geeks, but now you’re not cool if you’re not on the ‘net. Our population has surged from a meek 20 million users worldwide to well over half a billion only nine years later, so I guess it was pretty much a given that a few of the idiots would slip through the cracks and setup shop…
Back in those earlier days, it was a much simpler time – those of us who are both old enough and tech-savy enough to remember the very beginning know that the Internet was still used primarily for information, but in a very limited form…and it was kind of nice! The bulk of data you could search for your research papers and even humor columns was gathered pretty much from encyclopedias and other documents from the highest accredited institutions around – basically, what you read was the truth 99.9% of the time. Any real 3rd party websites made by folks like you and I mainly focused on our interests and hobbies, linking to our own favorite sources of information and whatnot, but very rarely creating much original content of our own. We were able to voice our own opinions via e-mail and the occasional mailing list, but mind you these were limited to usually less than a hundred people or so, all of which actually wanted to discuss whatever the political debate of the week was!
Things are very different now and, as any student or research-bound individual can attest, it’s damn near impossible to find legitimate information on the Internet anymore! But even more so, not only is it tough to find facts among the fiction, it seems that an increasing number of people have felt the need to voice their own opinions about everything, be it what they had for lunch or how hot they thought the guy at the grocery store was or that they think their boss is a closet homosexual…and although I don’t have any problems with the homosexual part, herein lies the bigger picture nonetheless: it seems as if a large group has collected within these virtual walls – we’ll call them the idiots – and they seem to think that they can say whatever the hell they want because, hey – it’s the Internet!
1. My Very First Website
Like a lot of new netizens, when I first stepped foot into this strange, encompassing world known as the Internet, I immediately began thinking of ideas to put into my own website. Ok, actually I first began thinking of what would be the very best sexual keywords that I could use to search the web, but after that became oh so tiring, I did put a little more thought into what I wanted my virtual home on the ‘net to look like. As I’ve mentioned before, my own premiere on the world-wide-web was a rather atrocious one, mostly consisting of sound clips from The Simpsons, some guitar tablature, and a few of my favorite add-ons for the classic shoot-em-up Doom, but overall the whole manifestation was fairly harmless. Unfortunately, as more and more people found their way into our little community, however, certain unspoken boundaries were crossed and eventually the whole thing went to hell…
Today it’s insanely easy for just about anyone to create their own website – hell, some elementary schools are now offering classes in web design – and if they were smart, they’d be focusing a little more on the ethical side of things as well because with all of the running amuck that goes on today, it’s a wonder that even more people don’t find themselves getting hurt! What exactly am I talking about, you ask? Well, I’m talking about the crazy notion floating about nowadays that the Internet is a free ground for anyone to say whatever they want, whenever they want, without any recursive actions…and even though it makes me feel like an old man bitching about them kids these days, I still stand by my words. Whether it’s just a few complaints because someone had to stand in line for five minutes at the grocery store or a five-and-a-half page homage to the word fuck, with that same grocery store experience somehow entwined within, I think that things are getting out of hand and somebody needs to spank the baby before she gets used to always doing whatever she wants. Now, I’m just as much of a free speech advocate as the next guy, but there’s a little more to it than that…
It’s really all about respect and responsibility. Yeah, there are technically some loose legal guidelines that everyone should follow, which I’ll get into here shortly, but when it all comes down to it, webmasters basically just need to think before they post. Sure, that picture or article or parody is funny to you and your friends, but if you were Janet Reno, would you want something like that floating around?! Think about it – if you’re Jack Smith and I proceed to write a slanderous column about how horrible Jack Smith is at baseball and how his mother has three legs and a hump, you’re going to take offensive to that and probably want to come and kick my ass! Of course, I know better than that, so when I really have to make fun of somebody, I either change their name or make them up entirely! As much fun as it is offending the idiots of this world, and believe you me – there are plenty of them, there’s nonetheless an appropriate way to do it, yet not nearly enough people seem to recognize this anymore…
2. From Diaries and Journals to Blogs – Evolution or Degradation?
The other major Internet phenomenon that is a big concern to me is the popularity of blogging these days. Blogging, for those of you living in a hole, is basically a type of online journal where just about anyone can read how your day was and, if you chose, even post their own comments and such. It’s really quite the neat system, actually, and obviously I’m not the only one who thinks so as it seems that everyone and their cousin has one of these things by now. Some, like myself, post only when we’ve got new material to promote or if there’s an issue which we really just want to sound off about, but there are others who post two or three times a day, giving us more details about their own personal life than we could ever care to know! Sounds harmless, right? Well, up to a point, it is…
This is another case of basically not understanding just how damn big the Internet really is and who surfs it on a daily basis. In the old days of writing in that little, brown book which you could lock and keep under your pillow, teenage girls (…and even some guys) would write about their inner-most secrets – stuff that they would absolutely never tell another soul about, and it pretty much stayed private until thirty or forty years down the road when the book one day surfaced and everyone had a good laugh and reminisced. Even though the most offensive material within probably consisted of nothing more than the young woman being mad at Bobby for not asking her out last week, even if she did say something to the effect of Bill’s Sheep Emporium sucks, if wouldn’t matter to Bill because it could never possibly affect Bill’s bottom-line. With said diary buried safely underneath the young girl’s pillow, it doesn’t really get enough publicity to cause any major damage.
However, if this same girl instead had a blog and posted a nasty message about Bill’s fine establishment, then we’ve suddenly got some problems because this posting could very well influence Bill’s potential audience in a negative manner and cost him some serious business. Freedom of Speech, right? Well, if she actually did make her critiques in a calm and mannerly fashion, without the use of vulgarities and general obscenity, then quite possibly yes, she does qualify to use this particular amendment to our Constitution…but guess what, most people don’t because they fail to understand the critical details of said amendment – mainly that you’re not covered if you’re being lewd. The whole idea of blogging to begin with is about expressing your thoughts and feelings about life and your surroundings, but it’s important to keep in mind that you are using a public forum. Remember the guy who got taken to court because he swore in front of some kids after falling out of his canoe on what he thought was an otherwise unoccupied river? Just as you couldn’t go down to the town square and announce via megaphone that you think that all of the surrounding businesses are run by money-grubbing assholes, you can’t say that on the Internet, either!
3. Excuses for a Misinformed Generation
Even though technically the Internet isn’t run by anyone, in a sense it’s actually run by everyone. Just as in a democracy, a group of individuals (our ISPs) has taken it upon themselves to lead the whole place in the general direction of orderliness, and whether you like it or not, you’ve agreed to abide by their rules the second you log onto the Internet. Unless you happen to own your own Internet Service Provider, you’ve agreed to their specific Terms of Use policy, usually stating that you won’t use their equipment to spam or harass other users or basically make a legal ass of yourself, and if you do anyways – they have every right to kick you off the Internet and date your sister.
It might do you some good to actually read that contract that you signed when you got your Internet account sometime…
The tricky thing on this Internet is that you really can’t control who has the ability to read your material, so maybe it’s just your buddies down the hall in the dorms that’ll read your rant on how much you hate Wal-Mart, or maybe it’ll be a member of the corporation’s legal team who stumbles onto the site by accident and views the rant as a financial liability. Sure, you probably didn’t really mean any harm when you called his company every four-letter word in the book and you’ll be over it within hours, but lawyers have this funny way of seeing things in a very different light and believe me – you don’t want to be on the receiving end of that stick!
4. It’s Not Just Illegal, It’s Against the Law…
Without a doubt, the most argued legal issue since Bill Clinton’s whole “Is it really sex?” debate has got to be the idea of free speech. I don’t know where it actually started, but apparently some nut-job read a tiny fraction of one of our nation’s most important legal documents and then sort of went off on his own tangent from there. Some may insist that it’s really pretty straight-forward, and it is…if you’re not an idiot. Nonetheless, let’s take a little look at those forty-five words that seem to have us all in a tizzle…
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
Did you get that? Now as soon as you’ve finished, go back and read it again, and then again if need be, because I want to make this painfully clear that the Constitution doesn’t not protect your right to be an asshole! Allow me to paraphrase the most important parts of said passage: Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech… That’s right – Congress, the State, our government or whatever you’d like to call it, does not have the power to limit your basic freedom of speech on the Internet…but wait a minute – our government doesn’t control the Internet, now does it?
Basically when it all comes down to it, although Congress doesn’t have the right to silence you, whoever owns your gateway to the Internet still does, and if you don’t like that idea, then I dare you to figure out another way to do it. Whether it be your Internet Service Provider or whoever provides their own backbone to the ‘net, or even whoever has physical access to the computer which houses the data for your website, they ultimately have the right to decide whether or not your voice can be heard to an audience of 500 million people. It’s their house, their computer, and their rules, and if you don’t like the decision of any particular host, you’re more than welcome to go and find somebody else, or even to attempt to host it yourself for that matter, but whichever way you shake it, you’re always going to have to answer to somebody else when things start getting hairy, and believe me – when things get hairy enough that your host is getting legal threats worth millions of dollars because your little website is irritating the wrong people, nothing short of a miracle is going to stop them from dumping you on the streets to save their own butts. It’s the way of the jungle, so either behave yourselves or live with the consequences!
5. Spelling It Out – What Can You Do on the Internet?!
Honestly, though, for most individuals, there’s really not a whole lot to worry about because if you’ve got any common sense, you’d never even consider posting anything which could end up in you owing some serious cash to the people whom you despise the most anyways! It’s really quite simple, actually, as long as you’ve got a brain in your head that has the ability to process basic right from wrong. What’s that? You want a list? Well, ok…
You Can…
You Can’t…
Ok, well I guess technically you could do any of those, too, just be prepared for the repercussions that come along with them. Basically, just keep in mind that the 1st Amendment doesn’t protect anything deemed Constitutionally Valueless, which includes everything from obscenities, threats, false statements, and your basic conspiracy and/or criminal solicitation. There is also a gray area when it comes to information that isn’t necessarily false, but misleading, so tread carefully there, too. Of course, it isn’t nice to say that kind of stuff about people anyways, so this probably isn’t even an issue for you, right? Yes, it does seem like an awful lot of work just to post in your online diary, but you’re part of a global community now and it just comes with the territory. As far as I’m concerned though, as long as you use a little common sense, take the time to think before you voice your opinions online, and generally do your best to speak in a professional and intelligent manner, then you should be able to go about gossiping of the pool boy and your favorite flavor of soda without a care in the world!
And if this article prevents just one more rant about just how horrible the new cheeseburgers at McSweeney’s are, then I’ve done my job…
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