Trump-pocalypse!

Jan 20, 2017
So we’re really doing this, huh?! Today is Donald Trump’s inauguration as the 45th President of the United States of America – no April Fools, no backsies, no “This is Ashton ...

Oh No Toilet!

May 20, 2016
No single phrase in the English language is more terrifying to hear than, “The toilet isn’t flushing.” Well maybe, “There’s a meteor headed straight for Earth and the c...

The Intimidating Ceiling Fan of Doom

Apr 22, 2016
How much do we really know about ceiling fans??? I mean, sure, they hang from the center of pretty much every room in the house, faithfully serving to keep us cool by circulating air justly around our...

Donald Harumph

Mar 4, 2016
It pains me to say this like the root canal I’ve never had, but I think it might be time to start coming to terms with the fact that Donald Trump may very well be the next President of the Uni...

The Dog Food Days of Insect Repellant

Aug 22, 2014
Cockroaches are disgusting. I don’t really think that I’m crossing any boundaries making a proclamation like that, and if I am, by all means I’ll be more than happy to respond personally to any ...

The Cooler in the Crawl Space

Feb 21, 2014
There are plenty of normal things I fully would’ve expected to discover in that attic – boxes of random junk left behind by the previous owner, bats, or maybe even a homeless person who h...

Aggressive Nose Kisses for All My Men

Oct 11, 2013
So my dog has this new way of telling you that she’s super happy to see you. It’s really gross and invasive and it gives me the heebie-jeebies pretty much every time that she does it, so I wanted ...

The Urine Courier

Sep 27, 2013
I have no idea what he needed all 1.45 gallons for, nor do I really want to know what kooky, lab experiments he could possibly be cooking up for which a normal, Dixie cup-sized sample of urine wouldn...

Just Don’t Fall Off the Boat…

Oct 12, 2012
I guess you could say that I have sort of a love/fear relationship with cruise ships. A few years ago I wrote about the very first cruise that I went on – romantically enough, for my wedding an...