The Humor Column

Reasons Why My Wife is Awesome

by Scott Sevener ⋅ October 9, 2009 ⋅  Email this column ⋅  Print this column ⋅

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a very special Anniversary Edition of The Humor Column.

Special not only because I managed beat the stereotype and actually remember my own anniversary, but even more so because I also somehow managed to survive my first year as a married man!  They say that the first year is always the easiest, however “they” didn’t also spend that first year supporting their spouse through her final semesters of nursing school, which ended up being a challenge not only to our relationship, but also our health, finances, and overall mental stability, so just between you and me, anyone who still wants to claim that the first year is the easiest can go suck it…

Of course, the important thing to take from this, nonetheless, is that despite all of the stressed out lunch dates and an eternally messy house, we still managed to make it an entire year without clawing each other’s eyes out and at the end of the day, that’s about eleven months longer than some couples make it.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned about this revered union thus far, it’s that marriage is a delicate balance of tolerance, apathy, compassion, patience, dashing good looks, and most of all, humor … because when it’s three o’clock in the morning and you find yourself doing laundry so that your wife will have something relatively clean to wear the next day, laughing is about all you’ve got left to keep you from teetering over the edge of your own sanity!

But what can I say?  No matter how rocky the slopes or how dirty the dishes, I’m lucky because at the end of the day, I’ve actually got a pretty awesome wife.  “Just how awesome is she?” you ask?  Well…

• She buys me LEGOs for Christmas.
• Watching The Simpsons before going to bed is both allowed and encouraged.
• Whether I’m tweeting about something that seemed absolutely hilarious to me or simply taking pictures of our desserts to post to my blog, she embraces my dorkiness with a minimal amount of mockery.
• She proudly shares my affinity towards HoneyBaked Ham.
• She continues to watch movies with me that show up in my Netflix queue, despite an embarrassingly horrible track record that includes the likes of The Day the Earth Stood Still and Pineapple Express.
• She understands the importance of blasting our local ‘80s radio station when cruising around with the top down.
• She knows how to pick mixed drinks that I would like better than I ever seem to do myself.
• She plays video games, and not just the hip, flashy ones that come out for the Wii.
• She’s never once tried to suffocate me in my sleep, despite numerous allegations that I “snore like a goddamn buzz saw.”
• During a random walk down to our community pool, with each of us carrying our beach towels, she once made the classic geek reference, “This is just like Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – you never go anywhere without your towel!”

Happy Anniversary, Sara!  Looking forward to many more awesome years to come…